2016

I never talk about politics outside of my family, but during election years people often let their views get into the conversation. Then I’m stuck with hard knots in my stomach concerning friends and relatives that I usually get along with. There are so many good reasons to be annoyed at people, why do we have to add silly reasons, choosing sides in the game of politics and wishing the worst on each other for nothing that we have actually done or ever will do. I wish I could move to another place during election years, and just come back when it’s all over.

I don’t know how it is for people of other types, but for an NF, who wants to feel in harmony with the human race, politics can cause a very painful disconnect from half of humanity. I have been trying my whole life to find some way to keep the good feelings toward my friends and relatives going through election years.

There is one thing that has helped a lot in recent years. It’s an insight I heard from Craig Rider, CEO of the consulting firm, the Rider Group, and an ENFP. I was interviewing him for an issue of The Type Reporter with the theme, “Our Favorite Type Breakthroughs.” I loved his insight so much that I made it the last paragraph of the last issue of The Type Reporter

Once, we asked people to get into type-alike groups and start writing down how they would describe their ideal community. The Fs came up with things like “inclusion,” “beauty” and “diversity.” The Ts came up with things like “good infrastructure,” “solid financial situation” and “low crime rates.”

I noticed however, that after awhile, the Fs started writing down Thinking-related things, and the Ts started writing down Feeling-related things. You could draw a line at the point where they started to switch over to the other side.

I had a big breakthrough that day. I realized that most of our conversations take place above the line, where we’re talking about our priorities, and that’s why we start digging trenches and getting into arguments. If you let people go for about five minutes more however, it becomes clear that they all want the same list of things; they just differ on what is most important. If we could remember that, it would make it a lot easier to keep listening to each other, and problems would get solved a lot faster.

When I showed this to my husband, John, he loved it too because he’s often experienced it in his consulting work. “We tell people they are in ‘violent agreement,’” John said. “They really agree, but they can’t let themselves see that because they’re passionate about their own priorities. They need a facilitator to put their ideas on the board and point out how they are both important to the organization’s goals, and to focus the group on how they can do both.

“What it boils down to is that people need to acknowledge each other’s points of view. It’s as simple as that. If people could just preface their opinions with something like, ‘I agree that what you are saying is important because….’ the other person would feel that they were heard, and be more able to listen to other ideas.”

I don’t use Rider’s insight to calm a group, but I use it to calm myself. When I feel myself reacting like Pavlov’s dog to political differences, I try to remind myself that we all have the same items on our list for an Ideal America, but different things on the top half. The people from the “other” party, so angry and certain that the world is going to hell, are protecting things I also want to preserve, but I am not inspired to take care of myself. If I can get past the nastiness, I can see through to a natural order, very much like the type theory, where all of the work is divided and all of the work is taken care of. It’s a much better place to spend an election year.  

 

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